Friday, December 16, 2011

Little miracles do happen :)

My husband took the day off yesterday to go to my first ultrasound with me and we were so incredibly nervous. It looked ridiculous, we sat in the room waiting for the doctor to come in, heads down, no talking... just waiting (me with my paper skirt and no pants on). I kept looking at my husband going.. go get Dr. B!! I can't sit around much longer, I'm going NUTS!! Anyway, he finally came in and we talked very little about symptoms and what not and then he said, "well you're at 6 weeks, so today we might be able to see a heartbeat, but if we can't, it doesn't mean it's not there, it just means it's too small to see right now so don't be nervous if that doesn't happen.", Then he stuck his magic wand in me and I think time stopped for a second. It's really hard for a non-doctor to read those ultrasound screens. Especially when you're as nervous as my husband and I were. We weren't seeing anything at all.. we weren't sure what we were looking for to begin with, but we were sure that we weren't seeing anything until Dr. B said.. "there it is" and everyone let out a huge sigh of relief!! We got to see it's little heart beating there on the screen and then he magnified the sound we actually got to hear the little heart beating. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen and heard and I'm still in shock at this moment.

Then we talked about symptoms. Yesterday morning was the first time I got morning sickness throughout this whole experience. I've been having dizziness, but no real sickness caused by food, however, sitting at the diner with my husband and my mom, the combination of all the different smells was completely overwhelming and I couldn't eat anything without the thought of throwing it back up. We actually had to clear most of the plates from the table and then eat saltines. So I told that to Dr. B and then I also mentioned that nothing seemed appetizing to me, which is very true. I walk around the kitchen constantly looking for something to eat and I have a million options and I don't want any of them. You know, and then I don't feel well. So Dr. B said, he doesn't mind if I'm not gaining weight right now, but he does mind a lot if I'm losing weight, so I need to force feed myself whatever I can swallow right now. I've been working on that.

Ok and the best part about this whole thing? No more PIO shots!!!!!!!!!!! Dr. B said they officially ended yesterday and all I have to do is continue with the progesterone cream from now until the end of the first trimester which is January 25th and my official due date is August 8, 2012. The crazy thing is, Dr. B said next week on Friday is our last appointment/ultrasound with him and if everything looks good then, we can start going to a regular ob/gyn. Amazing, but scary. We are switching doctors though, or last gynecologist, when we told her we were having problems conceiving, she blew it off and told us we were worrying too much. Sounded like every other person we knew, saying "oh, you need to relax." Right. That's why we had to go through the all these fertility treatments before getting pregnant through IVF. We wont be going back to her, I can tell you that. Now that I am pregnant? I'm gonna need someone who takes me seriously, especially during these next 8 months.
Anyway, that's all for now. Talk to you all soon :)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Still pregnant!

Third beta this morning came in at 721! That's a doubling time of 33 hours!! My ultrasound is scheduled for next Thursday the 15th and we are so excited for it! I don't have many symptoms and I was starting to get freaked out but after talking to my RE today, she said it was common to have few symptoms this early on. My husband however, begs to differ with that statement. He thinks I'm a freaking emotional lunatic... I don't see it :) . I've been tired mostly, and have been having some heartburn and am peeing peeing peeing alllllll the time. No spotting whatsoever though, so that's kinda nice. Were still praying right now that all goes well next week on Thursday. Wondering if it's one or two... we'll be happy with anything!! Talk to you all soon!!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Good News... Finally!!

This week has been a roller coaster of emotions! Monday and Tuesday were awful just sitting around and waiting for my blood test on Wednesday morning. My sister-in-law came over on Tuesday with my niece to keep me company because I was starting to really go crazy. Anyway, Wednesday morning came around and I went with my husband to take my blood test. They drew the blood at 7:30 in the morning and waited until after 4 pm to call with my results!! Well, the number was low, 37.1 and I hung up the phone and cried and cried and cried and then called my husband and then my mom and cried some more. Every time I look for info on other women and what their numbers were, anything above 50 seems good and anything below 50 never seems to be any good news. I was feeling no symptoms. For a while on Tuesday and Wednesday I was dizzy and having cramps and then that all pretty much just went away and I went back to feeling nothing and then crying some more. So then when the Dr. called she said I had to come in for another test on Friday. 

Well I have been a complete mess since that phone call at 4 o'clock on Wednesday. My mom cancelled all her plans to come keep me company on Thursday and today to get my mind off of everything and she really has done a great job. We went to the movies and out to eat and then today after my blood test we spent the day shopping. I was expecting a call at around 4 again because that's the time when my doctor likes to sit down and make all of her phone calls so, the last store we went into I left my phone in the car and when I came back, I had 4 missed calls and my phone was currently ringing. Thank God my doctor is persistent! She called to say that my numbers more than doubled to 88!!! She has been very cautious with this whole process and finally today she said CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I do have to go back on Tuesday for another blood test and then after we get the results back from that, they will schedule my 6 week ultrasound!!!!

I am so excited right now. I haven't allowed myself to get excited this entire week. My husband and my mom and my brother kept telling me that my numbers were good and everything was going to work out, but I couldn't get excited and I really didn't want to get my hopes up because I know how much it hurts when they tell you that it "just didn't work again this time." I'm in shock. I also argued with everyone about how impossible it was that this worked, so when the doctor called me on Wednesday and told me to refill my progesterone shots I refused to because I thought it would be a big waste of time and money. Today I called and had to pay an extra 25 dollars to put a rush on my order! 

Still praying that everything goes well with my Tuesday blood test. Talk to you all soon!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

ICLW week

Happy ICLW week.  Thanks you first time readers and thank you guys that have been following my blog since the start.  Also, thank you Still Hoping from Hope Delayed and Lady Bug from My Journey to Conception for the blogging award!! You have caught me in the middle of the two week wait of my first and, god willing, only IVF cycle.  For those that haven't heard my whole story, me and my husband have been TTC since the day we got married about a year and half ago.  We were a little concerned when it didn't happen those first few months, but attributed it to the birth control pills I had been taking since I was a teen to control an unusually painful period.  When we got a BFP just after new years in 2011, it was the most exciting thing, what we weren't prepared for was an early miscarriage a few days later.  We kept trying the natural way after that with the occasional foray into over the counter fertility drugs, lotions and potions and nothing worked until we came back from a lovely vacation in the Caribbean in which we went to a special church that has been reported to be a fertility mecca.   After our return home and another positive pregnancy test, we thought we were on our way, but alas that too was short lived.  Finally we got referred to an RE from a regular ob/gyn, who really thought we were getting all freaked out for no reason by the way.  We had 2 failed Clomid cylces, got some cysts, and finally decided to go big or go home.  We are praying to get awesome news on Wednesday when I have my beta test, but have 6 embies in the freezer if things don't go so well.

Monday, November 21, 2011

The big day has finally arrived!

I went in this morning for my transfer which was scheduled for 10:30.  Its really really exciting but at the same time its a bit stressful because what if it doesn't work?  It's really hard for me to get excited.  Even as the procedure was happening and my mom was getting excited I was laying on the exam table saying, "Don't get too excited, this might not work."  I like to be logical and not get my hopes up to high but then again I mean it is kind of exciting.  It was all very interesting.  You have to go in with a full bladder, which is the worst part!  That's all I could focus on before, during and after.  So anyways, they bring me in to the same room that I was in for my egg retrieval so it automatically made me nervous but my mom got to come it so that was nice.  My husband was at work today.  Then the doctor asked me if I wanted one or two eggs transferred and of course I wanted two!  My doctors office was cool, there is a TV on the ceiling so that while I'm laying on the exam table, I can watch everything on the screen up there.  So they got my lady bits all prepped and ready, and stretched with the damn speculum, which I hate with a fiery passion, and I never want to get a pap smear ever again because I might get post traumatic stress disorder, and then I got to see my two little embryos in their petri dish on the TV screen because they were in the next room with the embryologist.  Then I got to watch the whole process of him taking the embryos and putting them in the catheter, and then Dr Scott walked into the room and it was time to put them into me!  Then he put them in and it was pretty much over, but I could see them on the ultrasound and I got to go home with two ultrasound pictures of my little eggs.  And 2 really big pictures of the embryos.  

We came home today and my bedrest started, it sounds fun, but its kind of like when someone tells you you cant do something you want to do it all the more.  I've never wanted so badly to walk around my kitchen or the the other rooms in my house, but for now I have to enjoy the view from my couch.  Later on, my husband got home from work and along with my mom, and my mom and father in law, we had a egg transfer party and everyone ate dinner with me on the couch!  There are so many things to pray for this week.  My blood pregnancy test is next Wednsday the 30th.  I don't even want to think about it right now.  I am so nervous and I need to relax.  I'm glad my mom is here helping and taking care of things while I can't.  She is being a huge help.  Thats all for now, I'll let you guys know the hopefully good news when I hear it...

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Day 3 update

So I was scheduled to come in this morning at 8:45 for my transfer, but I got a call from the coordinator just as I was walking out the door.  She said they are pushing it back until Monday for a 5 day transfer, which is good because they're still growing.  Hopefully, I feel better then, because I'm still really gassy and the GasX isn't working.  So thats what were praying for today.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Fertilization Report

I just got off the phone with my ivf coordinator with a report on how my little eggies are doing.  During my retrieval yesterday, we pulled out 19 eggs and I was just told the 16 of them fertilized very nicely!  As of right now, obviously they are still growing, my tentative transfer is Saturday morning but if they are still growing at that point we will do a 5 day transfer, but as of right now they are scheduling a 3 day transfer.  I took some GasX, which coupled with the percoset is making me feel a lot better, and I finally went to the bathroom, which the coordinator was very happy to hear.  If I keep up my salty food and Gatorade diet, it looks like I'm in the clear from OHSS.  We are still praying that all goes well and hopefully my transfer will be on Saturday.  I'll post another update when I get one, probably tomorrow from the coordinator.  We are so excited right now!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Retrieval day...

My retrieval was this morning at 7:15 and all went well.  They got 19 eggs!  Before I went in my doctor sat down to talk to me about my estrogen levels which are apparently quite high. I don't have the exact number, but they were 4000 before the trigger shot.  That's why they only wanted me to take half of the trigger shot.  So basically we have a couple option and this is all pending how the next 2 or so days go.
If all goes well in the next couple days and my estrogen levels go down, we transfer 2 embryos as planned.  If my estrogen only goes down a little we will only transfer 1 embryo because if I get pregnant the levels will go back up.  If they are still too high we freeze all of them, wait till my levels drop, then do a frozen transfer.  He is concerned about ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome, so the next couple days are going to be a big battle between me and Gatorade.  Doctors orders are to eat very salty foods and drink 120-150 ounces of liquid a day, mostly Gatorade, fruit juice and vegetable juice because they are the most healthy and full of electrolytes .  I feel its the hardest thing drinking all this liquid because I'm so bloated from drinking so much but then I have to remember to eat and all the stuff that I eat has to be salty.  But my husband/nurse thinks I'm doing well.  I'm assuming they will be doing more blood work in the next few days, but I haven't heard anything about that yet.  I'll probably hear something more about that when they call with the fertilization numbers.

I was wrong about thinking I wouldn't need the Percocet.  From what our research online has told us, everyone feels different after the retrieval.  Some hurt alot, some don't hurt at all.  Me, I was hurting alot and the percocets have helped tremendously.  My husband has done a great job taking care of me.   Oh, and my first Progesterone shot is tonight.  I will be doing it at 10.  I'm definitely not looking forward to that since the doctor straight up told me it will not be pleasant, but its only for 2 weeks so I'll just have to man up and take it.  Overall it hasn't been that bad, we are just going to have to muscle through it for the next few days, that's all.  So for now, our prayers tonight and tomorrow are for my estrogen levels.  Hopefully they go down.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Really really almost there!!!

Good appointment at the doctors office this morning. Dr. B was all smiles during my ultrasound and I was quite happy as well. Yesterday I had one mature follicle and this morning, I think most of them were mature. In the end the follicle count comes out to be about 21 or so with my biggest measuring 24!!, but not all of them will contain eggs. Still, that's a pretty darn good number. My uterine lining number was 12 tri... whatever that means.. still good though. By the end of the ultrasound we got the news we've been waiting weeks to hear, I'm finally ready!! My HCG shot is to be done sometime tonight. They will call me sometime this afternoon to give me the rest of the information but tonight is the big night for the butt shot! The nurse came in and drew a happy face on my butt to show my husband where to give me the shot. Nothing surprises me anymore after going through this process. After tonight, I get a whole day of being shot free!! And the Wednesday morning is the big day for the retrieval. Super excited, but still praying AND really starting to look funny when I walk. My ovaries are ginormous, and they hurt and I'm still waddling all around the house, my husband thinks it's hilarious and has started waddling everywhere now too. It's a pretty funny sight. Also, I've moved from Robitussin to Sudafed so I feel SOOO much better and not so sick anymore. Looking forward to getting this shot over and done with!!! Yikes. Talk to you all soon.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Almost there

I'm sick. Like really sick.  The doctor gave a list of medicines that are ok to ingest at this point and I'm currently sucking down some Robitussin.  I'm also covered in a dog pile on the couch.  Literally under a pile of dogs.  My boston terrier and my english mastiff are both keeping me company.  

On to my visit this morning.  The embryologist, Dr. Scott, was also the phlembotomist this morning and had a real hard time drawing my blood.  He ended up having to use a pediatric needle.  Then it was time for the ultrasound with the other doctor.  He counted 22 follicles today, less than yesterday, but he said he wasn't counting the smaller ones.  Most of them were around 15-17, but one was 22.  He said that one was mature already and he wants me to come in one more time tomorrow and then he's most likely going to have me trigger shortly after.  He also said my lining was an 11, which I think is pretty good.   I'm waddling now and finally feel the bloating I was worried about not feeling yesterday.  

So it seems like we are reaching the halfway point in this cycle and we are still praying that everything keeps going as well as it is now.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

So close, yet so far

Today marks day 9 of my stims.  I was at the doctors this morning for yet another round of blood work and ultrasound.  They found 28 follicles which sounds great, but really not all of them will mature and not all of them will contain eggs, but still 28 is a pretty good number.  The biggest one was 17 the smallest was 10, whatever than means.. I've given up trying to decode the doctor talk.  I'm also starting to get frustrated because it feels like we are so close yet so far away from my retrieval.  The first time we spoke with the doctor he said it would be the 14th or 15th, which is Monday or Tuesday, then this past Tuesday he said it would be either Tuesday or Wednesday and this morning he said it would be either Wednesday or Thursday.  I guess this is because he said they are growing very slowly.  He also asks me every time I go in if I'm bloated and crampy and basically asks how I'm feeling.  Well, I'm not bloated, and I'm not all that crampy and I was so worried this morning because maybe that meant that something was wrong. He said it was just fine.  I really hate this, I can't figure out what I'm supposed to be feeling.  At the moment all I feel is fat, so I guess I do feel kinda bloated.  

If my retrieval is Thursday, then my transfer will be between Monday or Wednesday, and if that's the case then I'll be on bed rest on Thanksgiving. YAY!!  Its a good thing everyone is coming to my house so they can all cook for me!  Also,  my wonderful husband took this whole week off thinking my retrieval would be around Monday or Tuesday so he could be here for the retrieval and bed rest, but now it looks like everything is happening a couple days later so after speaking with my mom this morning, it looks like she'll be packing up her suitcase and coming somewhere between Sunday and Tuesday and staying until Thanksgiving.  Lucky her!  

So I guess I have to be patient.  I have officially been on hormones so long that I've gone from like semi-bitchy some of the time to full out mega-bitch all the time.  And what is sad is that I know this and can't do anything about it.  Thank you, hormones!  Here's to praying we hear something good tomorrow morning.  I feel like I'm in the dark about this whole thing even though I'm really not.  Like I'm just kind of sitting around waiting and its taking forever.  Well that is all for today, talk to you all soon.  :)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Halfway through stims!

Today marks day 5 of my stimulation meds.  This morning I went to the RE for another early early early appointment for blood work and an ultrasound.  These are always nerve-racking appointments because you don't know if one thing is going to go wrong to stop the whole process.  You never know what they'll find on the ultrasound and obviously my ultrasounds in the past have generally sucked.  First of all, I got there at 7 am and a couple was in the waiting room with their one year old toddler.  Look, I get that there are millions of people in the world with babies, but on the first piece of paperwork from this fertility center, I think literally in the first paragraph it specifically says NOT to bring your babies.  I couldn't get out of the office fast enough this morning.  I don't need to be reminded of my infertility any more than I already am by going to an freaking infertility clinic.
Now that I got that off my chest, we can get back to my appointment.  I had another ultrasound to check my progress and everything looked great.  7 follicles on the left side and 8 on the right, all at a good size.  The doctor said at this point they should be small and they were.  Then I had my blood work and I had to wait all day for the invitro coordinator to call me with my results because it doesn't matter how many follicles you have, the blood test tells you if they are healthy or not.  The results were perfect, they checked my progesterone and estrogen levels and they told me if the number was too low, like 60, then they would increase my shots and if they were too high, like 300, then they would have to decrease my shots.  I got 180.  perfect score.  So that's good news because nothing changes and my shots don't increase, Thank God.  My next appointment is Thursday morning for another round of blood work and ultrasound check like today.  They also gave me a prescription for percocet for after the retrieval.  I didn't think the retrieval was going to be that painful, but percocets are pretty strong pain killers, so I guess we'll see.  I doubt that I'll need them though.
In the mean time we are still praying...

Sunday, November 6, 2011

3rd day of stims.

I had my doctors appointment on Friday morning for a blood test and an ultrasound to make sure we were on track to start the stimulation medication.  As usual, I was worried about the results of the ultrasound, but as luck would have it everything was quiet on the uterine front.  So I went home all excited and ready to begin the fun process of waking up my ovaries.  They put my on 1 vial of Menupur and 150 shot of Follistim, divided 75 morning and 75 night, but the first night I had to take the full 150 to kick off the shot show!  They reduced the Lupron to 10 iu's from 20 every morning.

The Follistim is really easy to take because its basically preloaded in a pen.  All you have to do is dial it up and shoot. Just needs a needle tip change prior.  The Menupor on the other hand is a bit harder.  You have to take the correct amount of saline solution and inject into the vial of powder, roll the vial around to mix the solution, pull it back into the syringe, then change the needle tip to a smaller needle all before injecting.  This is my 9 o' clock routine.

After adding these 2 new medications to the daily routine, I have learned just exactly how spoiled I was with my Lupron shots.  The only unpleasantness is the initial pinch and then basically I don't feel anything while its being injected.  These new shots are a whole nother story.  The Follistim doesn't hurt while its being injected, but after its in there it hurts my belly for a few minutes.  The Menopur, I guess because its a mixture of chemicals, hurts kinda bad going in (stings a little), but once its in its fine.  The Menopur is the one that I really don't look forward too.  Definitely my least favorite. According to my husband, it also makes me extra specially moody and bitchy.  I've also had this crazy headache for like 2 weeks now.

On a more positive note, I'm starting to get excited about this whole process.  You'd think that the last thing I'd be is excited after adding all these shots, but my retrieval is a little over a week away so I have that to look forward to and my husband has that entire week off to spend with me so I also have that to look forward to.  I don't know if getting excited is the right thing to do because I don't want to get my hopes up too high, but I also know that if I go into this with a bad attitude, or I'm too stressed out, or I think to negatively that those could affect my chances of getting pregnant and every little bit of hope counts in a positive way.

For now we are still praying.      

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Day 10 of SHOTS!! (More complaining..)

Well, I've been on these damn shots for 10 days now, and they are just buckets of fun. When I was on the birth control pills, I had very mild side effects from the Lupron. Like being cranky and a little nauseous.  Now that the bc has stopped, I feel all the side effects like 10 times more. It makes me soooo tired and double cranky and nauseous and I've had this headache for like 10 days straight now. And yesterday I felt like I had a fever. But aside from that, its really not all that bad, lol. I have until friday of just taking the Lupron shots and then I have a doctors appt that morning. I have to get up at friggen 6 am for because apparently they ONLY do ultrasounds between and 7 and 8 am and its never at the office by my house.. always the further office. Since i stopped the bc, i've gotten my "period".  No one warned me that I wouldn't get an actual period,  so i was assuming that because i was on bc for 6 weeks, that i was gonna have this extreme opening of the gates river of pain huge flow, but instead, i just have cramps and not even enough to wear a pad, which I guess is nice, because I don't like pads.

I went to my teaching class on how to mix my shots and i took my mom as my note-taker, which is good because i think she wrote down what the nurse was saying verbatim. They literally sit there and show you how to mix your menopur, and then they give you this little fake piece of skin?? Kinda looks like a buttcheek and feels like one too. So once you finish learning that, you learn how to inject them into the fake butt on the table. It was all very scientific. It was also very overwhelming. Because I always seem to underestimate just how many shots/ how many times a day i'm getting them. But I do understand now why they gave me so many needles , and thats because you have to mix the meds with the bigger needles than swap out for a smaller ones. All very scientific once again. My husband is getting excited because the retrieval is about 2 weeks away, but I cant seem to get excited, I'm too nervous, besides that my energy is soooo drained from all this excitement. I've said this before and I'll say it again, If I didn't have my husband to go through this with I would go crazy. Even as I'm writing this he is sitting next to me joking around about all of this. My mom has also been a huge help. She is always ready and willing to do whatever I need her to do at the drop of a hat, like going to my appointment with me the other day.

There's not much else to say.  I have my u/s on friday and I get my new list of injections (what, when and how much to take) of the new medications.  In the mean time I am still praying... and napping...

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Day 4 of SHOTS!

I've though long and hard about posting an update on how the shots are going because I hate to complain. I know how lucky I am to be able to even afford these shots and be able to afford the whole in-vitro process, so I don't want anyone to think I'm complaining whatsoever. I'm just telling it like it is. Days 1 and 2 were ok. I had terrible insomnia on nights 1 and 2 and every day since I have been absolutely exhausted and kinda foggy in the head. It's nice being home because I can do a little housework and nap and then do a little more housework and nap some more, but I've been trying to not nap so much because then I don't sleep at night. When I get through at least 4 straight hours of sleeping at night, we consider it a big success now. My husband is still trying to get the hang of giving the shot every morning and I give him a lot of credit for being a great nurse. He gives me my pills each night before bed, and my shot every morning now, and to top it all off he puts up with my bitching about how I'm feeling all day long. He should get an award.

They make me feel like crap all day. Like I'm getting over the flu but without the chest cough. Just a feeling of being run down and tired after doing something as easy as the laundry. And I've had a bad headache since I got my first shot and it hasn't gone away yet. I keep thinking sleeping will help, but my new weird sleeping patterns aren't really helping me out with it. I get my shot at around 6:45 every morning and then, since I can't really go back to sleep, I read my book for a while until the itchiness in my belly goes away. And then I get up and I'm immediately irritable and cranky. It makes me laugh sometimes when I wake up and realize I have a cranky face on and I don't even know why I'm mad.

So far, that's how I've been feeling. My husband has been feeding me chocolate every night (trying to counter the moodiness I think!) and just being an all around very comforting and patient person. I have another appointment this Thursday for a class to learn about how to give my fertility shots, or how to make them? or mix them together or something? I'm actually not exactly sure, but I do know that I have no idea how to use that refillable injectable pen they gave me, so maybe that's what I'll be learning how to use. I'll update then. Until then, I'm still praying. Talk to you all soon :)

Thursday, October 20, 2011


Shots!! Shots!! Shots!! Shots!!Shots!! Shots!! You know like that song.... This is what my husband has been singing to me every night for the past week. Not the whole song mind you, just that one part because I've been walking around saying the word shots at random times like it's the plague. So that's his response to lighten the mood lol :)

Well the big day has finally arrived. My mom came over on Tuesday to keep me company while we waited for the arrival of my big box of SHOTS!! The pharmacy told me it would come between 7am and 9pm so I basically had to sit around and wait all day for it. Lucky for us it came at around 2pm so we weren't imprisoned inside the house all day! I guess I was expecting something different. Not that I wasn't expecting little vials of drugs and some little needles to go with it, I just wasn't expecting SOOO many needles to come in the box. There must be over 100 needles in that box. The tiny insulin needles for the lupron shots that I started taking today, the injectable needles for the fertility drugs and some other much bigger needles for some other drugs that I have to take and then I think even more insulin needles in another bag, and then a smaller bag of littler needles and then some other refill injectables... Seriously, I may not be the best here at math but the ratio of little vials of drugs to needles is WAY off... Let me clarify one thing though, I'm not taking insulin. They're called insulin needles because they are the tiny needles that diabetics use to inject insulin. I am using insulin needles to inject myself with Lupron.

I got my first shot of lupron this morning given to me by my wonderful husband. I haven't slept in about 5 days because I had been having nightmares about doing the shots wrong. Either we inject too much, or too little, or the wrong drug and then we have to go back on birth control and wait another month and everything gets pushed back again. I know, ridiculous, but really not so ridiculous because this is a very exciting yet very stressful process to be going through and my subconscious is just messing with me every night after I fall asleep.

So before we went to bed last night we went on YouTube and found a video of a woman giving herself a shot of lupron and giving a tutorial while she was doing it (isn't the Internet great?). We went to bed thinking, ok so it looks pretty easy, I mean she gave it to herself, she didn't even need someone else to give it to her. So this morning when it was time, we got up and my husband got the needle ready and I layed down on the couch and he gave me the shot. It was unpleasant, as I had assumed it would be because, hey, it's a shot, but it wasn't the end of the world and I am more than prepared to do it again tomorrow morning and my husband was so good with everything, he made the whole experience a lot more pleasant than if I had to inject myself. He really was a rock star, he didn't even bat an eyelash at the whole thing and he really doesn't like needles at all! After that, I went back to bed for a little while before getting up to go to work and my tummy was itchy at the injection site for about 15 minutes. This is an immediate side effect apparently but it wasn't so bad and I fell back to sleep soon after.

So far that's all the excitement of the past week or so, and I am ready to catch up on all my sleep tomorrow after my next shot. I'll update soon with more side effects in about a week or so. Talk to you all soon!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

First appointment with the IVF coordinator

Well, we had our first appointment on Monday with the IVF coordinator. We made ourselves sick worrying about it because we have never gone to that doctors office and had a good appointment or gotten good news so we were wondering just WHAT was in store for us. Every time it's "well you have a huge ovarian cyst, or you have a blood clotting disorder that makes it harder to get pregnant, no the clomid didn't work again, no the IUI didn't work.. I see some fluid in your uterus and I don't like it" Seriously, not ONCE have we had a good appointment, but this time, the stars aligned and for once all was right with my uterus. Thank you Jesus for that.

So, the very first step in the IVF process is going on birth control so I don't ovulate this month. It's so nice to not have to pee on ovulation sticks for once, but it's a little strange going on birth control. He says he has to time when I get my period so he can time everything else. So I've been on birth control for 2 weeks and my ultrasound looks great... the cyst is completely gone, the fluid is long gone, nothing negatively new in the old baby making basket (They also did an infectious disease (STD) test before the whole thing started and we were both completely fine. Let me tell you-- no matter what anyone says, even if you're 100% sure you don't have any STD's, it's still a huge relief when they call you and say you're perfectly healthy lol).

Here comes the best part... So we're on this mega high from having our first GREAT ultrasound and the IVF coordinator comes in with our next step in the process. Now we were both under the impression that the shots began November 4th, AND that they were injectables like my eppi pen. We couldn't have been more wrong (this is another great example why you should never believe what you read on the internet). So the IVF coordinator comes in with this syringe and this little tiny glass bottle or fluid and she starts showing my husband how to fill it up and where he will be injecting me. And I think time stopped for a whole 45 seconds and then the blood left my head so fast I thought we were both gonna pass out. She made it looks so simple. "Oh it's so easy, the Lupron should come in the mail by next Tuesday and you will need to start the injections on Thursday morning. It's so easy!" the nurse kept on saying how easy it was and even she could do it but I mean come on, you're a nurse of COURSE you can! This doesn't come second nature to us non-nurses here. Especially my husband, who expressed great concern months ago when we began entertaining the idea of in-vitro.

It is something we're gonna have to get used to though. Once the Lupron shots end, we start shots of the fertility drug. If all goes well and babies magically appear in my uterus at the end of all this, I will need to go on Heparin shots for my first whole trimester, so basically shots start next Thursday and (fingers crossed) end sometime in February!

Still praying, but mostly saying thank you to God this month. Our biggest fear was that SOMETHING was gonna happen and they were gonna tell us we had to postpone it another month but nothing like that came up. Kinda sorta starting to get excited now. Just kinda, though.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Oooh, where to begin.

I stopped writing after last month because I was upset. I thought writing a blog would be an easy way to get my feelings out but in fact it's a lot harder to do than I thought. The clomid didn't work the first time around and my husband and I sort of gave up hopes of ever getting pregnant. We didn't give up trying, we just both sort of came to the conclusion at the end of July that we didn't really believe it was ever going to happen. I've said it before because we've been feeling this way for a while but now we're getting scared that that's the ultimate truth. Despite what the doctor says about us being young and healthy and what high chances we have. So we gave up for about a week. After that, we pulled ourselves together and snapped back to reality and decided to keep on going. It's been very hard for us and that's partly why I've been so quiet on here lately but a lot has gone on and I thought I'd write in with an update because the next few months I think there are going to be A LOT of updates.

Well this month, September, we were supposed to be starting the fertility shots. We did one round of clomid in July and the next step was the fertility shots. By the way I went to the doctor this morning for a routine ultrasound and my ovarian cyst from the clomid is gone, as is the random fluid in my uterus that he kept seeing during every other ultrasound. I am in tip top uterine condition for the first time in about 6 months or more.

Now, before I go any further let me explain about our insurance. We have great medical insurance because my husband works for Verizon and even though they are still negotiating their new contracts (they were on strike for 2 weeks over this!!), the medical covers just about everything including infertility specialists. The problem, however, is that it only gives us a certain amount of money towards this. Forever. Once that money is gone, we're done with the fertility treatments. then we just try on our own from then on. Ok back to where I was.. We had a meeting with the doctor to discuss the next step, that being fertility shots, and he said he would see us in a month when it was time to begin.

Well last week I went by myself for a meeting with the doctor. Now that the strike is over I have to attend these meeting and make all the big decisions by myself since my hubby is working overtime! Well we started to talk about the shots and what that would entail. He explained the whole thing to me and I kept asking him what was the difference between the shots and clomid. I still think they are virtually the same thing except one is a weak series of pills and one is a strong series of shots. They both work on the same principal: use them, pee on ovulation sticks, get inseminated or have sex on the right day and maybe, possibly get pregnant that month. Then he offered me a third option.

He pulled up my insurance info and we started chatting about how much was left before we capped out and how much everything would cost and how many rounds of this or that we could do. We weighed together our chances and mixed it with costs and he then suggested in vitro fertilization and he said that it was covered by our insurance and we could do it for 2 rounds before capping out at our coverage limit. He told me everything there was to know about it and exactly how to process worked and how long it would take. He offered us this option the last time we saw him but we turned it down because we didn't think our insurance would cover it. Now that we know it does, I made the decision to jump on the chance. The whole process takes about 3 months so the actual fertilization part won't be taking place until mid-late November, but we are looking forward to it and I will try my hardest to keep blogging during all steps. I haven't stopped praying, no matter how hard it has been or how hopeless it seems. Talk to you all soon. Step one is calling the IVF specialist when I get AF this month.. Looking forward to that phone call! :)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Not this month.

Well this has really been a crazy month. First, 5 days of clomid making me feel like a crazy person. Then an IUI on my anniversary. The 2 weeks that followed was like a roller coaster, yet again. This whole process has. Thanks to the clomid, my period is late. My cycle was/ is 34 days and counting. I still haven't gotten my period yet but I'm assuming it will come tomorrow. I had a blood pregnancy test on Monday and it came back negative. I then went for a clomid check appointment today and the doctor found a large cyst on my ovary which he said was caused by the clomid and would apparently go away on its own. Lets hope so.

My 2 options were as follows: the first was to increase the clomid this month to 100mg. The second was to wait a month because of the cyst and increase the clomid next month. My third option- and this was the option my husband and I chose- was to wait one month, and then start fertility shots next month. He didn't give me any more information, or a name of the drug, he just said we can start on the shots next month. We have an appointment on September 2nd to discuss these shots. I'm not afraid of needles whatsoever and will do anything it takes. i told him I felt hopeless and he said I had a very good chance of getting pregnant. I don't know. Some days the hope is so high and some days it doesn't seem worth the trouble to be let down all over again.

I'm not looking forward to getting my period this month because I'm afraid the cyst is going to make it even more painful than it usually is. i have seriously painful periods. I get completely incapacitated and end up having to take double doses of Tylenol and aleve and I still get no relief. On the other hand, I just want the damn period to come so we can get this entire month over and done with and start again next month. This sucks. I can't believe I have to wait 6 weeks or more to try again. This seriously sucks.

anyway, I'm sure you can all see whats going on in my heads-- been like this for the past 4 days. what a joy this next month will be. Oh and then after the shots, if I do become pregnant, I need to take more shots the whole first trimester! This is a lot to look forward to (ha, ha). That's all for now. I apologize for the depressing post. Maybe next time I'll have some new symptom to discuss and think about.

Back to my prayers (can they even hear me? Maybe I should start shouting them...) Talk to you all soon.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Well that certainly was fun!

Saturday morning was as interesting as it could possibly be. Our alarm went off at 5:30 am. Last year on the day of my wedding I said- "sweetheart, next year on our first anniversary I want to wake up at the crack of dawn and go do something awkward and painful." I'm so glad my loving husband remembered and made my day as special as possible. All my dreams came true...

Seriously though, I really am kidding. Aside from the IUI we had an amazing anniversary. We got to the doctors office around 6:45 am --- thanks to my impeccable driving skills (i.e. 85 mph on the parkway the whole 23 miles without getting pulled over) and arrived just in time for my husband to give his sample to the lady at the front desk (VERY awkward for all parties involved.) Then we waited. A whole hour and a half. It wouldn't have been so bad if not for the music in the waiting room that was just a touch louder than waiting room music should me, combined with the waiting room TV that was playing some dvd that I see every time I go in for an appointment. None of the interviews coincide with each other (dinosaurs and then Ricky Gervais) and they play it loud enough to be heard over the already loud waiting room music. So strange.

Well after the thrilling 90 minutes of my husband and I trying to entertain each other enough to stay awake, they called me in for the big show. Really, I think it was a show. There was a doctor I had never met before performing the procedure and a nurse and my husband and me in all my glory on the table with a paper napkin attempting to keep myself covered from the waist down. They always seem to make those things like 1 inch too small to so everyone sees my butt the second they walk in the room and if I try to do anything like make the napkin cover me, well it's a napkin so it rips and then nothing gets covered and then I have half a napkin where a whole one would at least pretend to cover maybe half a butt cheek.

So the doctor comes in and is all ready to go and I assume the position and he takes the thing and sticks it in my nooner as hard as he possibly can to open me up, I think. It hurt. Really bad. My husband then felt bad and held my hand. And then before he injects me with the sperm he's like "you have a tilted uterus" all serious like the world is ending and I freak out. Thanks unknown fertility doctor. You really know how to put my mind at ease when I'm the most vulnerable. So then he pushes down on my belly to straighten out my uterus before injecting me. This makes me hurt double. I'm getting squished and stretched in all different ways and right at the end the doctor goes: "does that hurt?" No doc. But just for good measure, I'm gonna punch you in the face and then after, I'll ask how pleasant the experience was for you. His bedside manor kinda sucked but the end result was that there was sperm where the sperm should be. He said it was in the fallopian tubes and that's good cause apparently my tilted uterus was making them hard to get there. And I know I ovulated cause I was clomid crazy and my pee stick was positive. Then he shook my hand and said something along the lines of "go have sex the next 3 nights now. And good work." or something. I don' really remember. I was a bit too traumatized from the past 5 minutes. --don't get me wrong, I knew what I was in for and I'd do it again a hundred times to make a baby but I just thought you all might want to know about my experience.

After that we drove on into the sunrise for some rest stop food before driving the hundred miles to our anniversary extravaganza!! I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I had writing it. We're still saying our Saint Gerard prayers every night. We have this paper that my aunt sent me with 2 prayers to him that we take turns reading every night. We still have faith. Thanks for listening everyone. Talk you all soon :)

Friday, July 22, 2011

The big day is finally here!

What a crazy crazy week it has been! I took the clomid last week starting on Tuesday and taking it through Saturday and it kinda made me a tad miserable and I think my husband can attest to that. The first couple days I was moody and the last few days I was just plain sad. And my ovaries hurt really badly on the 4th day. The moodiness lasted up until this past Wednesday. I didn't want to talk to anyone except my husband when I was feeling like yelling at someone. My mommy was texting me and I kept apologizing because I just really wanted to be alone. It was making me depressed and I was starting to feel like I was doing this all for nothing. We've been trying for so long and getting no where.

My three tentative IUI appointments were for Wednesday, Thursday and today which is Friday. Basically, on the day you ovulate, you come in the day after and they perform the IUI. For the past year I've been taking ovulation tests and they've been doing this fade thing. There's never really been a big LH surge like everyone talks about. The line just sort of fades and gets darker over a few days until the control line is the same as the other line and then my husband and I sit around trying to decipher the lines, because we honestly never have any idea what is going on when I pee on all these things. They don't actually spell it out for you-- they just put pictures on the papers on the inside of the box and give directions on how to pee on the sticks and then you have to take your best guess on what exactly is going on... anyway, the day after what looks like a surge (or just a darker fade than the day before) it starts to fade out again until the line goes away a few days later. VERY confusing.

Well this month there was no fade. No nothing. Just a bunch of clomid miserableness and a lot of crying and emotional ridiculousness. I even called the doctors office on Wednesday morning at 7am and proceeded to yell at them (and then they yelled back at me and told me to stop yelling lol). They told me to calm down and not worry because Wednesday was the first day that I could potentially be ovulation and I still had a whole week of days that I could ovulate. The nurse kept saying "it's too early to be worrying right now" (Right. HA! Story of my life...) So for the past few days I've been taking the ovulation tests and seeing NOTHING. Not even a hint of a faded line. Well I woke up this morning and had a good feeling that today was going to be my day. Sure enough 45 minutes ago I took a test at work and there was a very dark positive line. Well I called the doctor and he said to come in tomorrow morning to have the procedure done. Tomorrow!!! I had a feeling it was going to happen this way. Tomorrow is my first wedding anniversary and my husband and I have reservations at a hotel in Cape May tonight and tomorrow night but I guess we'll be arriving late. I don't mind and know my husband doesn't mind. We were nervous thinking the ovulation was going to happen after we got there and we'd have to leave early but I'd rather arrive late than have to cut the vacation short.

Prayers to St. Gerard and God have been louder than normal this week. Lets hope they're answered... Thanks for listening everyone! Talk to you all soon :)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

3 days in...

This is some crazy stuff. I took it Tuesday morning at 6:45am and felt fine fine fine until about 12:45 pm. All my side effects seemed to hit me all at once, and now that I'm on day 3 they're getting a bit stronger. When everything hit me around lunch time I was a little of everything-- a little nauseous, a little lightheaded, my head hurt a tiny bit, I was a little moody for a little while and every once in a while I would get a hot flash and go into the kitchen and stick my head in the freezer to cool off.

Day 2 was a bit worse because I was very sad. When the doctor says moody he doesn't just mean angry, I was very sad and crying and then happy and a little short tempered. Still nauseous and lightheaded and my head was still hurting from the day before, but all in all it's been manageable. The only thing that's a little annoying is the night sweats. Hot flashes are a side effect of clomid and I seem to only get them when I'm sleeping now. 2 nights in a row I've woken up in the middle of the night so I'm going to assume this is how it will be from now on while I'm on it.

Today is day 3 and when I took it this morning I didn't automatically become nauseous like before and I thought things were getting better but right when I got to work I became very lightheaded. And now I'm moody. I just got off the phone with my husband after being upset and then apologizing and then being upset.. it's a vicious cycle now. God bless him for taking all of this in stride and still being right there with me and offering me hug after hug after hug, even though I've been yelling at him and complaining for 2 and a half days now. the nausea and headaches have gotten a bit worse day by day. There's not really anything I can do about it because I really really don't want to take Tylenol or Advil or anything that could stop the clomid from doing it's job--I just want to be as safe as possible. For now, I'm trying to keep my mouth shut and my head down at work so I don't get myself in trouble. I need a nap.

Talk to you all soon.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

And the month of Clomid craziness begins...

I know it's been a while since I've blogged and everyone else seems to update their blogs weekly, but sometimes I think about writing and all that comes out are complaints about not getting pregnant and all these other girls who are. A friend of mine just e-mailed me 2 days ago about just finding out she was 12 weeks pregnant and her ex-boyfriend won't return her calls or talk to her at all. This is what makes me feel like a bad friend. I don't even want to talk to her. My husband and I have prepared ourselves for pregnancy and babies. When we do get pregnant we are going to be great parents and we are going to give those babies a wonderful life. Why do I constantly see people around me getting pregnant by mistake? It's not fair. This girl is a nice girl and was looking for me to help her and talk to her and i can't do it. I'm so angry about what my husband and I have to go through. I can't congratulate her. Or tell her it's gonna be ok cause it's not. Maybe that makes me a bad person for feeling that way or not being able to be there for her, but there's nothing I can do about feeling this way. Sorry.

Back to business...

I had a doctors appointment yesterday for another internal ultrasound. Every time I see the doctor it happens to be right after I ovulate, or right around ovulation time so when he was doing these ultrasounds he was seeing fluid in my uterus (Which could be attributed to ovulation). I went yesterday, 4 days into my cycle and he was still seeing fluid, but he said the amount was much less and it could possibly be the end of my period that he was seeing. Nonetheless the amount of fluid was less and he seemed happy about that. Today is day 5 of my cycle and I took my first clomid pill this morning. I take them for the next 5 days and then next week I have 3 tentative appointments for the IUI on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of next week (20th, 21st and 22nd) and I'll be using OPK's probably every day until then so I don't miss it. I feel fine right now... The doctor said I would be feeling very hormonal from Clomid. In fact, instead of telling me, he made a point to tell my husband that I would be hormonal and moody hahaha. I bet he can't wait for that...

I'm excited to take the Clomid but at the same time I'm so terrified it's not gonna work. It's been a very long time that we've been trying to conceive, with many very painful periods including this last one this month that left me almost incapacitated for the first half of my day at work. At the moment I feel fine. The only thing I noticed was a little nausea but apparently the biggest side effect is moodiness which I will be trying very hard to control. My husband and I were joking yesterday because a normal girls moodiness during pms, is me on a normal day so there's a good chance I could come out of this process a complete psycho, but if in the end I'm pregnant it will all be worth it.

There other big side effect of clomid is multiple births. There's a 10% chance of twins and a 1% chance of triplets. It would be absolutely wonderful to have more than one, but I would be more than happy with just one baby.

Our fingers are crossed this month again, and our prayers to God and St. Gerard will be more vocal than ever. Thanks for listening everyone. Talk to you all soon :-)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Wednesday's Doctor Appointment

Oh gosh where to begin. So I ended a few days ago wondering what the doctor was going to tell me that I didn't already know, or wanted to hear. No, nothing is wrong with me physically. I took his tests and I'm taking the Folic acid and baby aspirin daily. The HSG test found nothing. So where do we go from here? Well he gave me 2 options. One was major, the other, not so major. The first option was IVF. My husband and I both felt that right now that option wasn't for us. We have always felt like IVF was a last resort type thing, and believe me if it gets to that point somewhere down the road we would be happy to go ahead with it.

As for us, we chose the not so major option which is IUI. Basically, he gave me a prescription for Clomid which I take next month. I take the OPK's and on the day of the LH surge, I go in and they squirt the sperm right into my uterus. I'm laughing as I write this but I can't think of any other way to describe it.

It's exciting to think about and my fingers are still crossed that I get pregnant this month without the help of the doctor. I had a positive OPK this month which is something that hasn't happened since the miscarriage so that's promising, and we've been doing everything right on schedule and taking the medications and praying every single night. For now that's all we can do for the next 2 weeks. I hate this part. Half the month flies by, and the rest just drags on and on until AF day. Anyway, thanks for listening. Gotta keep praying for a pregnancy. Off to say our prayers to St. Gerard and go to bed.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Why is ovulation so confusing?

First of all I want to say thank you to everyone following my blog. Knowing someone is out there reading what I'm saying and thinking has made this process a little easier. I've enjoyed the comments that I've gotten and they always make me a little misty eyed because I really feel like you guys are right there with me, so I thank you for that.

So, I know my doctors appointment is Wednesday and I'll ask him this question, but I figured I'd throw it out there to see if anyone else can shed some light. I've been tracking my ovulation for the past year and up until recently haven't seem to be really having anything to track. I have the ovulation tracker as an app on my phone and it tells me when my period is due, when my most fertile days are and when I should be ovulating. The app tells when most people should ovulate -- 14 days into your cycle and all that. Up until now that's what I was assuming was happening with me. For a while I thought I was ovulating late because I wasn't seeing any lines on the ovulation sticks, or I'd see a really faint line for a day or two on the days the tracker said I should be ovulating, and then that'd be it.

So this week I decided to change things up and start with the ovulation sticks a week early because a few days ago I was having a discharge that looked like the ovulation discharge. OK so on Saturday there was a faint line, on Sunday there was a faint line but a tad darker than Saturday, and today the line was deep deep purple, just as dark as the control line. Here's my question though: my ovulation app said that I should ovulate on the 25th based on when I got my period and all that. This seems a bit early no? I don't know if I should be worried because It's too early, or if it's a good thing because this is the first time I've seen an actual LH surge in about 4 months since the chemical pregnancy. This could be due to my being on my super-mega dose of folic acid and baby aspirin every day which could be regulating my hormones now and making me actually ovulate. It just seems so early.

So I guess we start trying again starting now, unless the doctor tells us any different on Wednesday at our appointment. Also today my Aunt sent me a a blessed St. Gerard medal and novena prayer (St. Gerard is the patron saint of expectant mothers and those who want to conceive). So for now, as always, we will be saying our prayers tonight (and a special one to Saint Gerard). Thank you so much Aunt Vicki!! And talk to you all soon!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Blue Dye Test

So I was all nervous for nothing. I went in this morning for my Hysterosalpingogram hearing all different things about it from just about everyone. Someone told me it took about 2 hours and only hurt for a minute, and someone else told me it hurt really badly the whole time.. Well, it took about 5 minutes from start to finish and barely hurt at all. It's a little awkward having the doctor shove a speculum into you and open up your cervix but that takes about 15 seconds and then its over. The most pain came about an hour after it was over when I was having mild cramps, but it was barely noticeable.

So right after the test is over (and I mean right after.. The girl was still moving the x-ray away from me and the doctor was walking over to me) he gives me my results so... drum roll please.... Everything was just fine! They found nothing!! It's a bitter sweet victory in the fertility journey. Finding something would be bad because then there'd be a problem, but at least we could fix it. Now that theres nothing wrong we now have to go in for ANOTHER consultation and decided "where we're gonna go from here" as the doctor put it. I'm happy that they found nothing because that means nothings wrong with me and I guess I now still have a better chance of getting pregnant right? But now where do we go from here? What does that even mean? I don't want to go in for another consult and pay this doctor more money so he can tell me that I'm fine, theres nothing wrong and that's it. This is so frustrating.

Anyway our next appointment is June 22nd at 3:30 where we can discuss "where to go." Whatever the heck that means. As for now, time to keep on praying. And maybe a nap after this eventful day :) Talk to you all soon.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Hi there

I'd like to start by telling you a little about myself. My name is Ally and I am 25 years old and married to a wonderful man who is my absolute best friend. If I didn't have him to go through this process with, I think I would have gone off the deep end by now. We have been trying for the past year to get pregnant and have had, it seems, many problems along the way in this short time so far.
I had just come off birth control after being on it for about 5 years so we gave ourselves a little elbow room the first few months when I wasn't getting pregnant. Like all newlyweds and "first time triers" we thought getting pregnant would be easy as pie and slowly but surely our high hopes came crashing down. Month after month we were not getting pregnant. To make matters worse we would hear stories from our friends saying "Oh it was so easy, we got pregnant the first time we tried!" If I had a dime for every person who told me they or a friend of theirs got pregnant within the first few months of trying, I would be richer than Donald Trump.
6 months later we hit our first bump in the road. I got my period in January and it was the most painful experience I have ever had. Every month I would read these fertility websites talking about "real" and "fake" periods and when do the "real" ones start after you stop taking birth control. Well this month I was elated thinking "I finally got a real period!! We can start the baby making now!!" and sure enough 2 weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test. After going for my first ultra sound I was told the painful period I experienced 2 weeks earlier was a miscarriage and there was no baby. I was absolutely devastated. The doctors told me miscarriages in early pregnancy were common. EVERYONE who found out seemed to know that bit of info and apparently thought they were comforting me by repeating it. "Oh it's fine, it's so common, don't worry, you'll be pregnant in no time and then you'll be so tired running around with kids you'll be wondering why you didn't wait!"
... this is the one thing NO person struggling with infertility EVER EVER EVER wants to hear. I would give my freaking right kidney to charity if it meant I would be pregnant right now. I WANT to be up in the middle of the night coddling a crying baby. I WANT the 4am feedings and the exhaustion that only comes after the first week of having a new baby in the house. I would kill for it. It's so frustrating because it's the one thing that really is in gods hands. You can work your whole life and get promotions and make money and earn things but you can't earn a baby. You can only make one and that takes pure luck.
2 months later we miscarried again and the next month we had a chemical pregnancy. We started to feel like it just wasn't in the cards for us. We were on our knees praying every night for a blessing. We joined prayer circles and websites to get other people to help us pray, we were peeing on ovulation test sticks every day, sometimes twice a day in the morning and at night so we wouldn't miss the right time, we did EVERYTHING and we were getting nowhere. Finally after a little more than a year we started going to an infertility endocrinologist.
This is where we are now. We both had an insane amount of blood taken. My husbands was just fine and perfect and I was found to have a folic acid deficiency. Apparently my body doesn't metabolize it, so I am now on a daily superhuman dose of folic acid. I also have a genetic blood clotting disorder called PAI-1. The doctor said there is a good chance this is why I miscarried. Well, it's a start. this Thursday I am going to have a hysterosalpingogram or as my husband and I have been calling it "the blue dye test." They put a blue dye in your uterus and follow it's path through the fallopian tubes to find out if both tubes are open and able to release eggs. It also checks to make sure your uterus is in working order. Here's a link to some more info...

So that's our story so far. I'll write more on Thursday after my blue dye test and talk about how it went. I'm nervous but hopefully we'll learn something new that will help us get pregnant in the future. As for now, like always, we are still praying for a pregnancy.