Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Not this month.

Well this has really been a crazy month. First, 5 days of clomid making me feel like a crazy person. Then an IUI on my anniversary. The 2 weeks that followed was like a roller coaster, yet again. This whole process has. Thanks to the clomid, my period is late. My cycle was/ is 34 days and counting. I still haven't gotten my period yet but I'm assuming it will come tomorrow. I had a blood pregnancy test on Monday and it came back negative. I then went for a clomid check appointment today and the doctor found a large cyst on my ovary which he said was caused by the clomid and would apparently go away on its own. Lets hope so.

My 2 options were as follows: the first was to increase the clomid this month to 100mg. The second was to wait a month because of the cyst and increase the clomid next month. My third option- and this was the option my husband and I chose- was to wait one month, and then start fertility shots next month. He didn't give me any more information, or a name of the drug, he just said we can start on the shots next month. We have an appointment on September 2nd to discuss these shots. I'm not afraid of needles whatsoever and will do anything it takes. i told him I felt hopeless and he said I had a very good chance of getting pregnant. I don't know. Some days the hope is so high and some days it doesn't seem worth the trouble to be let down all over again.

I'm not looking forward to getting my period this month because I'm afraid the cyst is going to make it even more painful than it usually is. i have seriously painful periods. I get completely incapacitated and end up having to take double doses of Tylenol and aleve and I still get no relief. On the other hand, I just want the damn period to come so we can get this entire month over and done with and start again next month. This sucks. I can't believe I have to wait 6 weeks or more to try again. This seriously sucks.

anyway, I'm sure you can all see whats going on in my heads-- been like this for the past 4 days. what a joy this next month will be. Oh and then after the shots, if I do become pregnant, I need to take more shots the whole first trimester! This is a lot to look forward to (ha, ha). That's all for now. I apologize for the depressing post. Maybe next time I'll have some new symptom to discuss and think about.

Back to my prayers (can they even hear me? Maybe I should start shouting them...) Talk to you all soon.


marilyn said...

oh no! I am so sorry! This does truly suck!!! You have every right to be pissed and sad and angry. I hate to say this..because it pissed me off when other IF friends said it..but it is true: It is all worth it in the end. It does not mean that it is one of the hardest journeys you will have to suffer through. I had to take and inch and a half needles in my backside for 3 months after the positive pregnancy test. it was hard. But it is all worth it! Prayer, music, friends, and taking time for yourself is what you need. I am so sorry you are in this stage right now. It is not fair being stuck is a place where you do not get to plan your future. :( I am here for you.

Holli said...

I really am so sorry that the first round of clomid didn't work. It does truly suck. I do think that the doctor wouldn't have said you have a good chance of getting pregnant if he/she didn't really mean it. They don't usually like to give false hope you know so that's good....

Look at your 6 weeks of waiting like this... maybe it's God's way of telling you to slow down and de-stress and take a breather for a bit. Stress in your body like this can also make it hard to conceive so maybe what he's telling you is you need to relax.... and then the magic can happen.... :)

Love and good wishes going out to you all month Ally while you wait!!