Monday, July 25, 2011

Well that certainly was fun!

Saturday morning was as interesting as it could possibly be. Our alarm went off at 5:30 am. Last year on the day of my wedding I said- "sweetheart, next year on our first anniversary I want to wake up at the crack of dawn and go do something awkward and painful." I'm so glad my loving husband remembered and made my day as special as possible. All my dreams came true...

Seriously though, I really am kidding. Aside from the IUI we had an amazing anniversary. We got to the doctors office around 6:45 am --- thanks to my impeccable driving skills (i.e. 85 mph on the parkway the whole 23 miles without getting pulled over) and arrived just in time for my husband to give his sample to the lady at the front desk (VERY awkward for all parties involved.) Then we waited. A whole hour and a half. It wouldn't have been so bad if not for the music in the waiting room that was just a touch louder than waiting room music should me, combined with the waiting room TV that was playing some dvd that I see every time I go in for an appointment. None of the interviews coincide with each other (dinosaurs and then Ricky Gervais) and they play it loud enough to be heard over the already loud waiting room music. So strange.

Well after the thrilling 90 minutes of my husband and I trying to entertain each other enough to stay awake, they called me in for the big show. Really, I think it was a show. There was a doctor I had never met before performing the procedure and a nurse and my husband and me in all my glory on the table with a paper napkin attempting to keep myself covered from the waist down. They always seem to make those things like 1 inch too small to so everyone sees my butt the second they walk in the room and if I try to do anything like make the napkin cover me, well it's a napkin so it rips and then nothing gets covered and then I have half a napkin where a whole one would at least pretend to cover maybe half a butt cheek.

So the doctor comes in and is all ready to go and I assume the position and he takes the thing and sticks it in my nooner as hard as he possibly can to open me up, I think. It hurt. Really bad. My husband then felt bad and held my hand. And then before he injects me with the sperm he's like "you have a tilted uterus" all serious like the world is ending and I freak out. Thanks unknown fertility doctor. You really know how to put my mind at ease when I'm the most vulnerable. So then he pushes down on my belly to straighten out my uterus before injecting me. This makes me hurt double. I'm getting squished and stretched in all different ways and right at the end the doctor goes: "does that hurt?" No doc. But just for good measure, I'm gonna punch you in the face and then after, I'll ask how pleasant the experience was for you. His bedside manor kinda sucked but the end result was that there was sperm where the sperm should be. He said it was in the fallopian tubes and that's good cause apparently my tilted uterus was making them hard to get there. And I know I ovulated cause I was clomid crazy and my pee stick was positive. Then he shook my hand and said something along the lines of "go have sex the next 3 nights now. And good work." or something. I don' really remember. I was a bit too traumatized from the past 5 minutes. --don't get me wrong, I knew what I was in for and I'd do it again a hundred times to make a baby but I just thought you all might want to know about my experience.

After that we drove on into the sunrise for some rest stop food before driving the hundred miles to our anniversary extravaganza!! I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I had writing it. We're still saying our Saint Gerard prayers every night. We have this paper that my aunt sent me with 2 prayers to him that we take turns reading every night. We still have faith. Thanks for listening everyone. Talk you all soon :)


teri said...

I'm cracking up reading about your experience! I'm glad you are able to keep a sense of humor about this (I think?) and entertain us as well. By the way, I can't think of any more memorable way to spend your anniversary.

marilyn said...

I am kind of laughing here! Sorry..but you put a smile on my face! You made the experience comical. I am sure in the moment it was not all!! But..yes..some doctors really are some what well..rude!! I have no idea why most of them are? Yayayayay! I am sending lots of baby dust!!! This is so exciting!

Ally said...

No need to apologize- this post was meant for just that. I was thinking back on how odd and comical the whole strange experience was from start to finish so I decided to share. I'm glad you both enjoyed it lol :)

Holli said...

Love your sense of humor!! It's always good to have that in times like this.. it does help.

Good luck to you Ally! I'm hoping and wishing with all the hopes and wishes that I have that this first time works like a charm.