Monday, June 13, 2011

Hi there

I'd like to start by telling you a little about myself. My name is Ally and I am 25 years old and married to a wonderful man who is my absolute best friend. If I didn't have him to go through this process with, I think I would have gone off the deep end by now. We have been trying for the past year to get pregnant and have had, it seems, many problems along the way in this short time so far.
I had just come off birth control after being on it for about 5 years so we gave ourselves a little elbow room the first few months when I wasn't getting pregnant. Like all newlyweds and "first time triers" we thought getting pregnant would be easy as pie and slowly but surely our high hopes came crashing down. Month after month we were not getting pregnant. To make matters worse we would hear stories from our friends saying "Oh it was so easy, we got pregnant the first time we tried!" If I had a dime for every person who told me they or a friend of theirs got pregnant within the first few months of trying, I would be richer than Donald Trump.
6 months later we hit our first bump in the road. I got my period in January and it was the most painful experience I have ever had. Every month I would read these fertility websites talking about "real" and "fake" periods and when do the "real" ones start after you stop taking birth control. Well this month I was elated thinking "I finally got a real period!! We can start the baby making now!!" and sure enough 2 weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test. After going for my first ultra sound I was told the painful period I experienced 2 weeks earlier was a miscarriage and there was no baby. I was absolutely devastated. The doctors told me miscarriages in early pregnancy were common. EVERYONE who found out seemed to know that bit of info and apparently thought they were comforting me by repeating it. "Oh it's fine, it's so common, don't worry, you'll be pregnant in no time and then you'll be so tired running around with kids you'll be wondering why you didn't wait!"
... this is the one thing NO person struggling with infertility EVER EVER EVER wants to hear. I would give my freaking right kidney to charity if it meant I would be pregnant right now. I WANT to be up in the middle of the night coddling a crying baby. I WANT the 4am feedings and the exhaustion that only comes after the first week of having a new baby in the house. I would kill for it. It's so frustrating because it's the one thing that really is in gods hands. You can work your whole life and get promotions and make money and earn things but you can't earn a baby. You can only make one and that takes pure luck.
2 months later we miscarried again and the next month we had a chemical pregnancy. We started to feel like it just wasn't in the cards for us. We were on our knees praying every night for a blessing. We joined prayer circles and websites to get other people to help us pray, we were peeing on ovulation test sticks every day, sometimes twice a day in the morning and at night so we wouldn't miss the right time, we did EVERYTHING and we were getting nowhere. Finally after a little more than a year we started going to an infertility endocrinologist.
This is where we are now. We both had an insane amount of blood taken. My husbands was just fine and perfect and I was found to have a folic acid deficiency. Apparently my body doesn't metabolize it, so I am now on a daily superhuman dose of folic acid. I also have a genetic blood clotting disorder called PAI-1. The doctor said there is a good chance this is why I miscarried. Well, it's a start. this Thursday I am going to have a hysterosalpingogram or as my husband and I have been calling it "the blue dye test." They put a blue dye in your uterus and follow it's path through the fallopian tubes to find out if both tubes are open and able to release eggs. It also checks to make sure your uterus is in working order. Here's a link to some more info...

So that's our story so far. I'll write more on Thursday after my blue dye test and talk about how it went. I'm nervous but hopefully we'll learn something new that will help us get pregnant in the future. As for now, like always, we are still praying for a pregnancy.


Brandie said...

Hi Ally. I'm a friend of your mom's (from Goodreads). My heart breaks for you. She's told me some of what you've been going through and I pray things start to look up.

marilyn said...

Thank you for joining me on my blog..I look forward to following your blog. It sounds like you have been through so much. My heart feels so heavy hearing what you have been through. My experience with infertility has been a difficult one as well...but I also found blogging to be such a great place for support. Please check out the Stirrup Queen blog,
Mel..the women who writes for this blog has brought all of us struggling for a family together. Please check out her blog and add your blog to the list of IComeweleave..and this will be the beginning of communicating with so many of us who struggle. You may email me also if if you like...I am here for you:)

Holli said...

Hello Ally.... I'm Holli (a friend of your mom's like Brandie) and I too am so sorry to hear all you are going through in your desire to have a child. In a different (but in the same vein) way I can understand your feelings of loss and also your feelings of helplessness. I can empathize with you about wanting something that doesn't happen easily like everyone else and also I can relate to wanting something that you can't seem to get. It's always right there but out of reach.

I wish you lots of positive thoughts tomorrow for your test and I hope that you'll get the answers you need to move forward in your process.

You're a strong lady to go through this and to share your story with others while it's happening.... thank you for your courage to do that. I hope it helps you as much as it helps others.

Ally said...

Ladies thank you so much for your comments. This has been such a difficult process for me over the past year and a half and when I started this blog I was hoping that someone would understand how I was feeling and it has made me feel so good to have you all reading and being right here with me. It made me so happy I cried thinking about it. It feels like such a relief to get all my feelings out here. Thank you for listening and supporting and praying. And Marilyn, thank you for the other blogs you mentioned. They as well as yours have all been a big help.