And the month of Clomid craziness begins...

I know it's been a while since I've blogged and everyone else seems to update their blogs weekly, but sometimes I think about writing and all that comes out are complaints about not getting pregnant and all these other girls who are. A friend of mine just e-mailed me 2 days ago about just finding out she was 12 weeks pregnant and her ex-boyfriend won't return her calls or talk to her at all. This is what makes me feel like a bad friend. I don't even want to talk to her. My husband and I have prepared ourselves for pregnancy and babies. When we do get pregnant we are going to be great parents and we are going to give those babies a wonderful life. Why do I constantly see people around me getting pregnant by mistake? It's not fair. This girl is a nice girl and was looking for me to help her and talk to her and i can't do it. I'm so angry about what my husband and I have to go through. I can't congratulate her. Or tell her it's gonna be ok cause it's not. Maybe that makes me a bad person for feeling that way or not being able to be there for her, but there's nothing I can do about feeling this way. Sorry.

Back to business...

I had a doctors appointment yesterday for another internal ultrasound. Every time I see the doctor it happens to be right after I ovulate, or right around ovulation time so when he was doing these ultrasounds he was seeing fluid in my uterus (Which could be attributed to ovulation). I went yesterday, 4 days into my cycle and he was still seeing fluid, but he said the amount was much less and it could possibly be the end of my period that he was seeing. Nonetheless the amount of fluid was less and he seemed happy about that. Today is day 5 of my cycle and I took my first clomid pill this morning. I take them for the next 5 days and then next week I have 3 tentative appointments for the IUI on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of next week (20th, 21st and 22nd) and I'll be using OPK's probably every day until then so I don't miss it. I feel fine right now... The doctor said I would be feeling very hormonal from Clomid. In fact, instead of telling me, he made a point to tell my husband that I would be hormonal and moody hahaha. I bet he can't wait for that...

I'm excited to take the Clomid but at the same time I'm so terrified it's not gonna work. It's been a very long time that we've been trying to conceive, with many very painful periods including this last one this month that left me almost incapacitated for the first half of my day at work. At the moment I feel fine. The only thing I noticed was a little nausea but apparently the biggest side effect is moodiness which I will be trying very hard to control. My husband and I were joking yesterday because a normal girls moodiness during pms, is me on a normal day so there's a good chance I could come out of this process a complete psycho, but if in the end I'm pregnant it will all be worth it.

There other big side effect of clomid is multiple births. There's a 10% chance of twins and a 1% chance of triplets. It would be absolutely wonderful to have more than one, but I would be more than happy with just one baby.

Our fingers are crossed this month again, and our prayers to God and St. Gerard will be more vocal than ever. Thanks for listening everyone. Talk to you all soon :-)